I was thirty-six when it happened. I was sitting in an EHCP (Education and Health Care Plan) review meeting for my daughter. I was with our wonderful home school link worker, her class teacher and the SENCO. 

They asked me: “What are Sofia’s goals for the future? What would she like to do long-term? Let’s put some notes in the plan to help her achieve them.”

It then hit me like a sharp shove to the chest: When was the last time I had asked myself that question?

I was a mum of three and, like most women, my life had fallen into a mundane routine of school runs, packed lunches to be made, forms to fill out, a seemingly never-ending to-do list with almost all my time being allocated to my children and husband.

I felt depleted and exhausted. I remember sitting on my sofa in our family home in Witley, realising that I had no idea who I was outside of being a wife and mother.

I love my family, I love my children indescribably, but for me to be the best mum I can be, surely my needs and interests need to be nurtured too?

I scrambled around for a sheet of paper (back of a school newsletter) and wrote a list of all the things that I wanted to explore more, learn about, try; what were MY ambitions? What were MY interests?

I wrote down everything, from wanting to learn to drive, seeing my friends more, baking (who doesn’t love cake?), reading… and much more personal things like wanting to go back to therapy, making time for my Christian faith and the big one: getting back into modelling and photography.

So I started. It was initially small things like joining a photographic society. Even though I have a degree in photography – I graduated in…shh! 2011…! – technology had moved on so much that I felt like a complete novice again.

I finally started learning to drive – a process I resented. I put a lot of pressure on myself to learn quickly, but perhaps one of the biggest and most important lessons I learnt whilst I tried to get my license was that good things take time. To choose progress over perfection.

I even applied to be a model in London Fashion Week at Fashion Show Live, an independent company that showcases new designers every February and September. To my surprise and delight, they accepted!

I often feel like we start off in life with plenty of dreams and ambitions, and slowly these seem to be consumed by the monotony and demands of everyday life. Trying to survive in a cost-of-living crisis has had everyone scrambling for a job. With AI filtering through job applications, it often feels extremely difficult to simply get a normal job, let alone a creative one.

I found motherhood completely all-consuming to the point where I forgot who I was outside of being a mum. What were MY interests? What were MY ambitions? What made ME excited? What do I want to learn?

This doesn’t just apply to new mums. Our heads can get filled with other people’s clutter: tasks our managers at work want us to complete, our parents’ hopes for our future, our friends organising our free time for us, which, although fun at times, can leave us feeling like our lives belong to other people.

It’s so easy for our minds to be filled with the wants and needs of others that we forget our own.

It wasn’t easy. At times, it felt excruciating. I felt like a butterfly breaking out of a chrysalis. When the butterfly emerges from its cocoon, the process can take up to twenty-one days. The insect emerges headfirst, often hangs upside down for days before pumping fluid into its crumpled wings, helping them expand. When they are dry and ready, it flies.

I felt like that metaphor applies a lot to us: we go into our cocoon stage of planning what we would like to do, but when we actually do it, it isn’t always pretty or perfect, but we’ve emerged into something new and beautiful.

I felt like I was going to have a panic attack on my first photoshoot when I started again in 2024; I had heart palpitations. I remembered the advice I give my children and my friends: “Being ready isn’t a feeling, it’s a decision.” So I did it. I was incredibly nervous, but I did the photoshoot. Then, the following month, I booked another.

At my last fashion show, a make-up artist looked at me incredulously when I said I was one of the models and exclaimed, “Seriously? You?!” Ouch.

The camaraderie from the other models was the perfect antidote to that poisonous remark. We all complimented each other, astonished at how professional the make-up made us look and feel.

The confidence that comes from doing hard things and going out of my comfort zone has spilt over into other parts of my life. 

I would like to encourage you this week to think about what you are interested in. Where do you see yourself in a month, two months, six months from now? Your goals can be as big or as small as you like; you just need to start.

You might surprise yourself.